Losing a Mom

I had a classmate lose his mother this last week.  I say classmate, but I should be more specific.  Mike and I were best friends in high school.  We were almost inseparable.  I was always welcome at his house and he was always welcome at mine.  Our dads knew each other before we were born.  I guess we were meant to be friends. 

I have many fond memories of Mike’s mom, Margaret.  One thing that comes to mind is that you could always find a ‘pop’ at their house.  Margaret was a savvy shopper.  She always stocked up and if you couldn’t find it, you probably didn’t need it.  It’s kind of funny the things that you remember.  We are talking 30 + years ago.  Margaret always made you welcome at their house.  Margaret tolerated a lot of things that Mike and I did.  I remember building all kinds of things in Mike’s basement workshop.  I remember staying there the night before the 4^th of July.  We slept on the trampoline.  Don’t know if we slept or not, but we were up most of the night. 

I talked to Mike on the phone today.  He told me his mom was at peace when she decided to have surgery again.  He said that made coping with everything easier.  Losing a parent is not easy, though.  The easy parts are the memories:  The things that you will never forget, no matter how old you are.  Hold on to those memories and pass them on to your kids.

In the end, it’s hard.  Death that is. It seems that it should be the easier part of life.  I mean we are all destined to die.  You‘re born, you live your life, and you die. It sounds simple, but it isn’t.  It sounded like Margaret was ready and at peace.  For that, I am thankful.  Tonight, we should all say a prayer of thanks for the moms in our lives.  Not only our birth moms, but also our extended moms.  I have had many extended moms in my life and I am proud to say Margaret was one of them.   

And Mike, I hope you get to have a ‘good’ day with your Dad.

Ivan

Madison Lane

Well, Madison Lane, you made it!  I don’t know what you are more excited about:  turning 18 or graduating from high school.  Both of them are pretty momentous occasions and you have the pleasure of doing them both on the same day.  Eighteen years ago you were born on a Thursday and came home from the hospital on Sunday, Mother’s Day.  I always thought that was cool.  But this year, you graduate on Saturday and Mother’s Day is the next day.  That is pretty cool also.

I know over the last several years we have had our ups and downs.  But isn’t that the way life should be?  It would be pretty boring to have everything on the same level.  I can’t even begin to count how many times I have told you the same thing over and over.  One of them is: Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever have.  I really believe that and I am sure your mom does too.  Being the rule maker, judge, jury and the enforcer isn’t much fun.  But it has to be done.  Being a parent means discipline, being a good role model and teaching your children to respect themselves.  I hope we have done a good job.  I hope you are ready to enter this thing we call the ‘real world’.  You know what, I know you are.

I’ve noticed several things about you over the last several months.  I see responsibility, something not a lot of seventeen (and now eighteen) year olds have.  I see compassion.  I see respect (most of the time, not always, but most).  You love the Lord.  You love your family.  You are good with little kids.  Teaching will be a great profession for you.  You are yourself. You are never afraid to speak your mind.  A good trait, most of the time.  Learn to use it wisely.  I see a woman who is sure of herself and knows what she wants. 

When you were born I wanted several things for you.  Now I only have one.  I want you to be happy and embrace life.  Go into the ‘real world’ and make your mark on it.  And, when you get married and have kids of your own, remember to tell them what the hardest job in the world is.  Your mom and I are very proud of you and what you have accomplished.  Remember, graduation isn’t the end.  It’s the beginning of a new and wonderful adventure.  One you are ready for.

Oh, I have one more thing to tell you.  The summer before you started high school I was talking to you and a friend.  Gentry? Or Kaysha?  I don’t remember for sure (I’m getting old).  Anyway, I told you to enjoy high school.  It will be the best time of your life and you will make lifelong friends.  I may have been wrong.  I think the best time of life is watching your baby walk across the stage and get her diploma.  So very proud of you! 

I’m hoping I have all the tears cried out of me before the ceremony.  You know how sentimental I get.  I mean I cry during Folgers commercials for goodness sake.  One last piece of advice?  Ok, here it is.  Enjoy life.   Jim Valvano, college basketball coach who died from cancer, said “If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day.  That’s a heck of day.  You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”  I love you Sis.      

Dad